Revision: “Demonstrate the ability to approach writing as a recursive process that requires substantial revision of drafts for content, organization, and clarity (global revision), as well as editing and proofreading (local revision).“(Brod).
Revision is an important learning outcome because instead of just writing a piece of writing and then ignoring what you wrote and submitting it as is. This doesn’t craft the writing piece in ways that you can get the most and informative information from the piece. Without revising your writing will become very messy and not make sense to other people or even yourself after reading it. You might want to add some more points as well after revising it. Two key types of revision are Global revision and Local revision. Global revision’s main focus is on the big picture and connecting the ideas, by identifying the thesis and fully unpack analysis of the idea. Making your paragraphs organized and then Local revision is looking at smaller details like word phrasing, word choice. Through Active and Passive voices in your writing. I revise by looking through and making sure all of the pieces fit together and sound well, that’s what I did in High School at least. But now I’ve also add more ideas or more unpacking into my essays as well. I mostly make sure my essay flows well, and connects well. I do tend to focus more on Local revision. Like in this quote from my work in the assignment “Connecting the Parts”. “I see that I rely a lot on words like, according, here, when, through, though, it, how, which. In this paragraph and quote introductions. I have a very blunt and repetitive writing style that doesn’t different with my repeated words or phrases. I think the revision really helped solidify what I am thinking, and ties the quotes together. This gets my point across better with the transitions and makes my writing style more unique and less repetitive.
Work Sample 1: This is from one of our assignments called Connecting the Parts
Revised :Furthermore Bloom talks about how we only empathize with people and experiences that we like and anything different and strange to us isn’t worthy of our empathy. According to Bloom, “But for us mortals, empathy really is a spotlight. It’s a spotlight that has a narrow focus, one that shines most brightly on those we love and gets dim for those who are strange or different or frightening.” (Bloom). I think he is false in this because in a story we read at the beginning of the semester called “Unfollow” by Adrian Chen, which is about how a follower and family member of the Westboro Baptist church, stopped believing in the hate speech and propaganda being spread that she grew up with through interaction over Twitter with people. Megan Phelps-Roper was in charge of the churches Twitter account and was spreading its horrible homophobic beliefs when she encountered forms of friendship with people who majorly didn’t agree with what she believed. This quote shows how she forms friendships and shows lots of empathy towards people who she knows are different from her in beliefs and opinions. Conversely in this quote Chen talks about how Phelps-Roper actually didn’t have a narrow spotlight like in contrast Bloom suggests while Chen says that she did start having a bond and empathy towards people who are different. “Other Twitter users were fascinated by the dissonance between Westboro’s loathsome reputation and the goofy, pop-culture-obsessed millennial who Phelps-Roper seemed to be on Twitter. “I remember just thinking, How can somebody who appreciates good music believe so many hateful things?” Graham Hughes said. In November, 2009, Hughes, then a college student in British Columbia, interviewed Phelps-Roper for a religious-studies class. Afterward, they corresponded frequently on Twitter. When Hughes was hospitalized with a brain infection, Phelps-Roper showed him more concern than many of his real-life friends. “I knew there was a genuine connection between us,” he said. As Phelps-Roper continued to tweet, she developed relationships with more people like Hughes. There was a Jewish marketing consultant in Brooklyn who abhorred Westboro’s tactics but supported the church’s right to express its views. There was a young Australian guy who tweeted political jokes that she and her younger sister Grace found hilarious. “It was like I was becoming part of a community,” Phelps-Roper said. By following her opponents’ feeds, she absorbed their thoughts on the world, learned what food they ate, and saw photographs of their babies. “I was beginning to see them as human,” she said. When she read about an earthquake that struck off Canada’s Pacific coast, she sent a concerned tweet to Graham Hughes: “Isn’t this close to you’ ”(Chen, 20). As a result of Phelps-Roper’s own personal experience of showing empathy towards someone who she knows doesn’t agree with her shows that though her spotlight may seem narrow it isn’t. Yet she was seeing them as human, and she was concerned and showing empathy towards them; which unfortunately during the time something she was being taught to hate. Although Megan Phelps-Roper choses to be aware of these people who thought differently, and were strange to her. She chooses to care and show empathy towards them; like with Huges how she was concerned for him when he got sick and when an earthquake happened near him she showed concern and empathy towards those situations regardless of their own independent and very different beliefs.
(carrona, Connecting the parts)
Not Revised: Here Bloom talks about how we only empathize with people and experiences that we like and anything different and strange to us isn’t worthy of our empathy. According to Bloom, “But for us mortals, empathy really is a spotlight. It’s a spotlight that has a narrow focus, one that shines most brightly on those we love and gets dim for those who are strange or different or frightening.” (Bloom). I think he is false in this because in a story we read at the beginning of the semester called “Unfollow” by Adrian Chen, which is about how a follower, and family member of the Westboro Baptist church, stopped believing in the hate speech and propaganda being spread that she grew up with through interaction over Twitter with people. Megan Phelps-Roper was incharge of the churches Twitter account and was spreading its horrible homophobic beliefs when she encountered forms of friendship with people who majorly didn’t agree with what she believed. In this quote shows how she forms friendships and shows lots of empathy towards people who she knows are different from her in beliefs and opinions “Other Twitter users were fascinated by the dissonance between Westboro’s loathsome reputation and the goofy, pop-culture-obsessed millennial who Phelps-Roper seemed to be on Twitter. “I remember just thinking, How can somebody who appreciates good music believe so many hateful things?” Graham Hughes said. In November, 2009, Hughes, then a college student in British Columbia, interviewed Phelps-Roper for a religious-studies class. Afterward, they corresponded frequently on Twitter. When Hughes was hospitalized with a brain infection, Phelps-Roper showed him more concern than many of his real-life friends. “I knew there was a genuine connection between us,” he said. As Phelps-Roper continued to tweet, she developed relationships with more people like Hughes. There was a Jewish marketing consultant in Brooklyn who abhorred Westboro’s tactics but supported the church’s right to express its views. There was a young Australian guy who tweeted political jokes that she and her younger sister Grace found hilarious. “It was like I was becoming part of a community,” Phelps-Roper said. By following her opponents’ feeds, she absorbed their thoughts on the world, learned what food they ate, and saw photographs of their babies. “I was beginning to see them as human,” she said. When she read about an earthquake that struck off Canada’s Pacific coast, she sent a concerned tweet to Graham Hughes: “Isn’t this close to you’ ”(Chen, 20). Through Phelps-Roper’s own personal experience of showing empathy towards someone who she knows doesn’t agree with her shows that though her spotlight may seem narrow it isn’t, she was seeing them as human and she was concerned and showing empathy towards them; which unfortunately during the time something she was being taught to hate. But Megan Phelps-Roper choses to be aware of these people who thought differently, and were strange to her. She chooses to care and show empathy towards them; like with Huges how she was concerned for him when he got sick and when an earthquake happened near him she showed concern and empathy towards those situations regardless of their own independent and very different beliefs. “
In this past work, I was mainly focusing on Local revision in order for my essay to have a more active voice and to have smaller details attended too. I only do Global revision when I am writing it out and it changes so much sometimes that I don’t have a before and after. Usually I don’t even Globally revise. I start with an outline and work from there and just solidify my ideas as I work.
My next pieces of evidence are my Thesis’s from my 1st and 3rd essays in this class. I think really helped me fully unpack what I was thinking and going to discuss, prove and note in my essays. Like in my 1st Essay.
Thesis Sample #1
I only had one not very well thought out and clear thesis and then after using revision in my last essay my thesis transformed into an unpacked more and became more dense.
Thesis Sample #3
Notice that I’ve unpacked my thesis in more depth, and expanded a bit more about my ideas. By using more of what I want to talk about in my 3rd essay. This is an example of Global revision in my own work by helping give a big picture and making my thesis identifiable. I even give more context to introduce it as well. Revision has become more helpful and clearer through taking this English course I feel like I have a better plan to adjust my writing.
Word Count: 531
